It’s That Time Again

Well, it’s that time again!

It’s that very special time of the month when I review all the headlines of the past month and decide which stories meant the most—or, in some instances the least—to me. I confess that, sometimes, the news is so negative, depressing and overwhelming that I don’t use any of it.  

Even so, at the other times, when I’m writing about myself, intimate feelings or a personal experience, I still sometimes dread writing this article.  That’s because I’m very cautious and uncomfortable exposing myself… especially to a world that is so upside down. 

Good is now bad.  Vanity is encouraged.  Salaciousness is valued over substance.  Being politically correct is more important than honesty.  Being loud is more important than being right.  Being first is more important than being accurate. 

So, the majority of my writings are taken directly from current events/headlines.  That way, I minimize the risk of offending someone.  Granted, my takes on certain issues are still ABSOLUTELY going to offend someone.  But at least I did the best I could.  Heck, depending on the carefully chosen topic, it can still be very cathartic.

For this month, I tossed around the idea of writing about the constant weather changes that have me wearing flip flops one day and boots the next.  The way I figured, I could write—or rather complain—about that in at least 500 words or more.  

However, the upcoming Total Solar Eclipse (TSE) that has towns bracing for disaster, the National Guard being summoned, warnings to citizens to stockpile food/water/gas, etc., won the lottery!  

How could it not??!!

Those who are (allegedly) somewhat spiritually-minded are taking to YouTube in droves and announcing with authority that it’s either the end of the world or the end of the world as we know it.  I mean, all of a sudden, everybody’s an armchair expert.

Those who are scientifically-minded are preparing for the opportunity of a lifetime to actually witness celestial history.  In the midst of their excitement, they’re making their share of predictions as well.  Though, admittedly, aside from warnings about EMP or solar storms, they lack the apocalyptic flare that makes the prophecies so endearing.    

Either way, a person could go crazy listening and trying to decide what is what!

Then, there are those neither scientifically nor spiritually motivated, who see this all as just another spectacle.  Their plans for the upcoming event seem to take on a more festive, lighthearted tone.  They’re treating this thing almost as if it’s the Super Bowl and are more concerned about finding the proper seat than whether or not the world is ending or changing in any substantial way!

Meanwhile, through all this madness and uncertainty, I’m not sure how I feel. At the very least, I do know that I don’t feel particularly festive… or even scientific for that matter. I guess I’m leaning more towards the spiritual aspect of this TSE… although probably a bit more muted than most.

My biggest concern is not that the world is ending or anything like that.  My concern is that if the more spiritually-minded persons are correct, than this TSE could be a much bigger deal than I’m prepared to deal with!  

Or, on the flip side, what if those only interested in the more scientific aspect of this TSE are closer to the truth?  How will we be directly impacted?  Or will we be impacted at all?

And again, what if those who are convinced that it’s more of a Super Bowl-type event are correct?  What if it’s nothing more than a celestial picture show that should be celebrated without the stress associated with the scientific or spiritual aspects?  If they are correct, then the associated festivities will probably be the biggest issue.  

With states along the projected route already asking for additional funding or making declarations of emergency, I foresee excessive last-minute travel decisions, travel delays, traffic, elevated airfare and gas prices and other price gouging tactics running rampant…again!  With that, we can expect merchants, hotels, oil companies, etc., to automatically increase prices simply because they can. And those individuals who have already delayed prepping and who want to start now might cause additional widespread shortages.  Regardless of any prophetic or doomsday implications, a mess is likely on the horizon. 

And of course, when discussing any incident likely to cause intellectual, spiritual or simply logistical issues for many moons to come, honorable mention must go to the cargo carrier ship that decimated the Frances Scott Key Memorial Bridge.  People are definitely going to be feeling that hit for years to come!

So, do we really need price increases when a lot of people are barely scraping by?

I think not.  

Regardless of your stance on this TSE, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that it’s been seven years since the last Solar Eclipse in 2017.  I can remember the excitement as well as the fear as if it were yesterday.  Of course, there are major comparisons to the upcoming TSE from all three of the groups for their own specific reasons.

I guess everything will reveal in time. April 8, 2024 is only a few days away, after all.  Whatever the outcome, my best advice is preparation, preparation, preparation… whatever that may mean for you.

After all, when has being prepared ever been a bad idea?

Can anyone hear me?

Pain Is…

I’m alive.  

Okay, writing this article kind of gave that away!  

I’m healthy…at least relatively so.  I live in a nice home.  God knows I have more than enough food to eat.  I have family…not a huge number but real family members that I can count on in a pinch.  I’ve got a few good friends—at least one or two—and I’m good with that.  Frankly, any more than that is too much for me to manage.  I work when I want to.  I’m still here and making it somehow.  In other words, I’m comfortable!

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not wealthy or anything like that.  Truth is, I never wanted to be.  In fact, I am and have always been more interested in comfort. Nothing’s changed in that regard from year to year.  I just mean that I’m not struggling…at least not too hard.  

Really, if you’re looking at things from the outside, with so much going for me, I should be happy, right?  And, if I’m not, I’m probably an ungrateful jerk, right?  I mean, there are so many others who would love to be in my shoes, right?

With so much suffering in the world, I know for a fact that my situation could be so much worse. 

And yet…

Whereas, I am happy about the small dainties that I enjoy—the little things that take life from survivable to lived—I’m also stuck in the throes of profound sadness.  I’m in pain because I lost a dear friend last year.  And, if I’m honest, I’m not sure if I’ll ever recover—if I’ll be able to climb out of this pit that I find myself in. And even if I’m fortunate enough to survive this dark place that has taken over my life, I know I’ll never, ever be the same.  

For clarity, I’m not new to death.  I’ve lost many family members and friends…many without warning!  I’ve cried so much that the whites of my eyes don’t even look white like they used to when I was little.

But, this time is something deeper—something uniquely different. This one is weighing on me…hard!  I mean, I expected to be sad and grieved. I’m aware that time is the ultimate healer!  However, this darkness isn’t dissipating.  It goes to bed with me and wakes up with me every day without fail.  It’s gotten to the point that when I talk to my friends, I feel like I’m boring them. They seem to want me to move on.  Do they not understand that I would love to move on?  I mean, what’s the rule?  How long is grief supposed to last?

But, here’s the flip side.  I’m probably getting more projects done, more work completed and more issues resolved than I’ve done in recent years.  In fact, I’m starting and finishing assignments with seemingly reckless abandon.

I think I’m working and working and working because it keeps me from thinking about my all-encompassing grief and the remembrance of happier times that will never happen again.  I almost always end these sessions in a pool of tears.

I guess you could say, I’m tired of living this way…but I don’t see any way out.  I am deep down tired.  No matter how much sleep I get, I wake fatigued and worn out.  Don’t misunderstand.  I still get up and perform necessary tasks—really well sometimes—but I lack enthusiasm and true interest in whatever it is I’m doing.

I’m truly weary this time.

This time, I’m weary of everything this world has to offer me.  I’m weary of ongoing family issues with family members that I no longer want to humor with my time.  I’m weary of family matters that never seem to resolve.  I’m weary of career choices that have left me in an almost robotic state of performance with no heart.  I’m weary of trying to care about people and things that I simply don’t have the energy to care about…and probably never really did.

There, I said it out loud.  In fact, I’m screaming it through the rooftop as I write!  I’m screaming so loudly that I fear someone might hear me and call law enforcement!  

I guess someone would call if they could actually hear the screaming taking place within the confines of my head!  While it may be quiet outside, in there, the screaming is non-stop!  The only way to get any modicum of peace is to sleep.  Even then, I dream dreams that make no sense and am often left feeling numb or in physical pain.  

Can anybody hear me?  I sure hope not!  That would mean you’re hurting too!  And, I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy.

Retail Thefts, Yeah Right!

Ok, I’m sure a lot of people who said this same thing but, there are just way too many store closings happening for my comfort level.  Seriously.  And the fact that almost all of them are citing retail theft as THE main reason for these closings makes me even more uncomfortable… as well as doubtful of this convenient narrative.

Personally, I haven’t been in a department or grocery store in recent memory that wasn’t well equipped with state-of-the-art anti-theft equipment.   I’m talking ceiling cameras, double-sided mirrors, security guards milling about, parking lot cameras, barcode readers at the door, etc.

I mean, nowadays you can’t even come out of your house without being on street cameras!  And, almost everybody’s home is wired!

It’s gotten so crazy with surveillance that traffic cops are almost obsolete.  Security cameras simply mail speeding tickets to your home.  No traffic cops necessary.  Yet, somehow, businesses are claiming an almost total inability to maintain their bottom line because they can’t curtail shoplifting?

I’m not buying it!  I’m just not!

As an avid fan of murder mysteries and TV crime shows—such as See No Evil, 20/20 on ID and other similar programs—homicides, rapes, muggings etc., are routinely solved using DNA and information obtained from street cameras, ATM cameras, store cameras, etc.  So, I can’t help but call BS on these real-life dramas claiming otherwise!

I mean, somehow, we are supposed to believe that major stores are shuttering their doors permanently because they can’t contend with shoplifting?  As opposed to hiring security guards?  Or placing the more/most expensive items behind cases that need a worker’s key to open?  Really? 

It’s almost too ridiculous to be believable. 

But for me, this creates another problematic situation.  See, if retail theft isn’t the actual reason behind massive and rapid store closings then, what is?

That must mean something else is to blame!  Right?  But what??  What’s going on behind the scenes that the general public isn’t privy to?

One thing I do know is that we are all feeling the crunch of inflation.  Almost everyone can attest to smaller item contents housed in oversized containers as the new normal.  Many of us are still experiencing high gas prices, higher energy costs in general and have, unfortunately, been late or totally missed rent payments, mortgage payments and car payments.  More than a few are drowning in credit card debt with no relief in sight due to unemployment or underemployment.

However, even in our current situations—e.g. store trips on tight budgets, clipping coupons or making substantial cutbacks to our store lists—how many of us have actually witnessed a flash mob in progress other than on the News?  How many of us after dragging ourselves to the store with way too little money in hopes of getting a good deal have even seen anything that would remotely resemble group thefts?  And, let’s face it, even on the occasions when it was being played out on the news, it is few and far between.

Yet, I keep reading about more and more store closings with businesses citing these incidences and more as causative.  Granted, personal experiences are not the end-all, be-all of evidence.  There are plenty of situations that are occurring at epidemic levels that many people will never personally encounter.  However, I am reminded of more than a few news stories that were blown out of proportion. Could this be one of them?

Do you remember when the news reported an epidemic of teenage girls eating cotton balls to stay slim?  Do you remember worrying about the health of so many young girls only to find out that only a few had even participated?  Do you remember how you felt when it turned out to be more of an isolated event between two or three girls as opposed to an epidemic?

Well, I do.  I felt like I had been duped!  Maybe you did too?

So, I think not many people will argue with me when I say, news stories are often embellished and sensationalized for ratings!  

Be that as it may, it still doesn’t quite clear up the question as to why so many retail stores are closing?  I mean, they’re not citing inside jobs or upper management issues.  They’re specifically citing customer shoplifting as their reason for closing permanently…even though those at the top (I’m talking CEOs and other high-level executives) are reporting record profits.

Yet, even with record earnings at the highest level, every week, more and more businesses continue to close at an alarming rate!

Why?  What am I missing?

Can anybody hear me?

Here We Go Again!

Sooooo…have you heard?  The FDA is CONSIDERING banning some black women’s hair care products!

Yes, you heard that right.

After decades of pain, forced compliance and emotional damage, at long last, the FDA is finally CONSIDERING banning some of these products?   Should we celebrate?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

After all this time, they are just now weighing their options???

Tell me something…is the fact that both the companies producing these products AND various members in the government have known for generations that they were carcinogenic even remotely a factor in this uncertain decision?  

Unbelievable!

I wonder what it will take to get an actual ban?

Straightened hair bursting into flames spontaneously maybe? 

I wonder how a ban on such products would go…considering the fact that, for generations, black women and men have been forced by both the titans of American Industry AND various governmental bodies within the American government to use these products because the very hair that grows out of their heads was deemed unattractive, socially unacceptable, unprofessional and unfit?

In all the legal arguments for a ban, would these experts be forced to reckon with, or at least acknowledge the fact that black people would face even more discrimination and racism if they refused to comply with these horrifically prejudiced judgments?  Would that carry a little weight?  

And yes, make no mistake, both black women AND black men were indeed forced to use these products. They used these products under duress due to the very real threat of being unemployable and therefore unworthy of livelihood and the ability to thrive.  Even today, all you have to do is look up the madness surrounding the Crown Act (and the evil comments and vitriol so many people are directing at black people’s natural, God-given hair) to see what black people are still dealing with. 

As if years of slavery, rape, pillaging, robbing, sharecropping, Jim Crow, Redlining, Black Codes and continued mistreatment in these United States were not enough, the very hair out of their heads was policed and disparaged!!!

How much more do black people have to endure in this Land of the free and the home of the brave?

Perhaps more issues with fertility? More cancers?  More “mystery” illnesses that have been inflicted on black women and men for years without resolution or restitution?  More deaths, anyone?

What’s a few more years of suffering, shame, sickness or even deaths whilst the FDA ponder their decision?

And what good is a ban anyway?  

A ban on these carcinogenic drugs marketed as hair care products doesn’t address the fact that it was the policy of both the private sector and the United States government to not only allow but mandate the use of said products?

So, in the case of the almost inevitable avalanche of lawsuits that will result even after an actual ban, what responsibility should the government assume for their part in this latest social malady that, in all honesty, feels oh so reminiscent of other unethical misdeeds perpetrated against black women and men in these United States?

What reparations should the government be willing to pay for allowing, mandating and upholding the use of unsafe hair care products in order for black women and black men to gain acceptance, employment and overall livelihood??

Furthermore, what does a ban mean for the countless black women and men who have already lost their very lives as a result of unexplained, mystery illnesses possibly acquired as a result of being forced to live their lives under the oppression of someone else’s standard of beauty? 

And what of those who altered their appearance by using these dangerous hair care products because they internalized the prejudicial belief the very hair that grows out of their heads was unattractive, socially unacceptable, unprofessional, unfit after decades of mental conditioning?  

What sort of therapy is owed for that? 

And what of other black women and men currently suffering from illnesses as a result of the use of these products?  Will the ban help them?   

And what of those that will be diagnosed with illnesses in the future? Will something be set aside for them as well? 

How will an actual ban help ALL of these people…much less only the consideration of one?

Where is the responsibility—or apology—for these actions both deliberate and incidental (incidental, not accidental)?

Speaking of…where is the punishment for the mass murders, mass physical abuse and mass mental indoctrination that stripped black women and men of quality of life?  What about those who, in many cases, sought and are currently seeking unnecessary treatments that lead to the consumption of OTHER unnecessary drugs to combat unexplained but associated symptoms and illnesses from approved hair care products from long ago?

More to the point, why are we supposed to continue to sit back and watch billions of dollars being dispersed for foreign aid for victims of atrocities for which the United States of America has no direct responsibility while the tragedies that it IS actually responsible for are largely ignored?

Where is the concern from the masses, the punitive damages from the guilty and compensation to those individuals living within the United States of America who have been and continue to be victimized by those in positions of power?  What, if anything, will happen to those who continue to turn a deaf ear and a blind eye?  

And if all of that isn’t bad enough, what’s going to be done about the unscrupulous lawyers waiting to take advantage of already disenfranchised black women and men by charging forty percent or more to represent some of the more egregious cases?  Are all of these things being considered as well?  If not, shouldn’t they be?

Can anybody hear me?

To Return or Not to Return…

To return or not to return to in-person work is indeed just one of the many pressing questions on the table for immediate discussion, and this is especially true in regards to the status of Federal workers and other personnel.

With that, the most pressing question is whether these employees will be mandated to return to in-person work or not?  And that, of course, leads to other questions.  If not, what allowances and adjustments will have to be made by businesses and governments going forward?  If so, is this mandate truly necessary?  And finally, who actually benefits from their return to in-person work?  

Let’s be real, with Federal workers and other personnel working remotely, once bustling office buildings that were leased years in advance are going unused and quickly becoming grossly unnecessary financial burdens.  With them sitting empty, the need for maintenance crews, window washers, building security, etc., becomes entirely moot.

Subsidized train rides that once kept railcars at capacity, not to mention very well maintained, are almost reduced to scary ghost rides through abandoned catacombs.  

Downtown businesses, such as Restaurants, Food Trucks and Bistros, are also suffering as their dependency on the 12-noon lunch crowd goes unfulfilled. This current state of affairs almost guarantees the downsizing/closing of many businesses already flirting with financial disaster due to lackluster recovery from the first round of COVID-19.

Then, there’s the neighborhood tire/tire rotation/oil change providers that are hemorrhaging from the loss of business from in-person workers who opted out of riding subway trains in favor of driving into work instead!

Associated parking garages that once housed tons of vehicles for some 8 to 10 hours a day at premium rates are either shuttering or will be soon.

Working remotely means not only less need for gas, but less need for vehicle maintenance as well.  And without that constant, daily travel, gas is no longer in the same high demand as it was pre-COVID since consumption is drastically reduced.  Sure, the holiday season is usually a major time for travel.  But this does nothing for the gas stations and such the rest of the year. 

Of course, daycares and even schools are taking a direct hit from homeschoolers, as working Moms and Dads seem willing to risk educating their children themselves regardless of the outcome.

And, I would be remiss if I didn’t mention Department Stores/Clothiers/Boutiques that have traditionally been heavily dependent on workers always seeking out or in need of new outfits, whether professional or casual, for the work week.  

Working remotely solved this problem…at least for the teleworker anyway.

Then, there are the personnel that relocated to areas further away from the city due to the fact that telework does not require stationary staff members.  

What happens if these workers ultimately decide that the longer commute isn’t sustainable?  Will they consider moving back?  If so, will this create a housing crunch…that is, more demand than supply can deliver?

Truthfully, when comparing working from home in your underwear to waking up early, showering, dressing, tackling traffic, dealing with bosses and co-workers all day and spending inordinate amounts of money on everything from clothes to food to childcare, the choice, if given, isn’t even close.

Sadly even though many governments and businesses alike are suffering as a result of Federal workers and other personnel working remotely, many exhausted workers haven’t considered or, even worse, aren’t even concerned with the magnitude of this reality.  And why wouldn’t this be the case?  For so long, Federal workers and other personnel have had to struggle just to make ends meet.  They raced to and fro in a mad dash to take care of dozens of obstacles to working a full day before they even left home in the mornings.  Now that another way is available, why wouldn’t they cling to it as much as possible? 

In and of themselves, these massive business losses do seem to justify a mandated return to work, right? However, is that pragmatism enough to get the brightest and best workers to return to the hustle and bustle?  

Worse still, what happens if there is yet another round of COVID-19—which many experts are already telling people to gear up for?  What will the businesses and governments do then?

I guess the answers to some of these questions are yet to be determined. 

One thing is for sure: for now, Federal workers and other personnel WILL BE returning to in-person work regardless of who is occupying the White House.  Most of us who can’t agree on anything else can, at least, agree that the very economy is dependent on them doing so.  And there is zero chance the moneymakers are going to allow a threat to their bottom line. 

My sincere hope is that, after all these workers have already been through, such as mask mandates, vaxx mandates, forced retirements, etc., that they will even remotely give a damn. 

Can anybody hear me?

The Bitter Truth

Ok, I have a question: when did telling the truth become the problem?  Huh?  When did people stop appreciating the truth in favor of fantasy, fallacies and fables?  Did I miss a meeting? 

I remember when the truth was always the default.  Parents insisted upon it.  They lectured and spanked their children to emphasize the importance of telling the truth regardless of the circumstances.  They demanded the truth and accepted nothing short of it. 

Well, I guess that was then and this is now.

Today, telling someone the truth is frowned upon.  Under the guise of being politically correct, are we now encouraged to outright lie? 

Whatever you do, don’t tell the truth!  Quick, make up something pretty and just go along to get along!

Today, people are too fragile for truth.  You have to be more concerned with hurting someone’s feelings than actually educating or instructing them.  Now, it’s better to allow them to remain in darkness than it is to set them straight and on the right track.  Again, did I miss something?  When did feelings top good sense? 

Whatever happened to thou shalt not bear false witness?  Was that a fashion trend that’s no longer in style?  Have we moved on from truth into total chaos?

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about telling a pregnant that they look nice because you understand that they are in a state of mind that may temporarily require delicate handling.

I’m talking about not being able to tell the historical culprit about his historical wrongdoings!  I’m talking about having to rewrite historical events so as not to offend the culprit.  I’m talking about not being able to discuss historical truths as they actually occurred because it makes those on the wrong side of history feel bad.  I’m talking about not only suppressing historical facts but having to teach the next generation that egregious crimes against humanity were not so bad since some on the receiving end of the crimes have managed to receive his degrees of so-called knowledge, eek out a house, a car and a little nest egg.  Somehow, in their minds, the ability for their former victims and their descendants to live even a remotely decent life gives the culprit the emotional audacity to believe that his crimes are somehow less aberrant!

Even though he’s placed every possible obstacle in their path for generations, he can exhale now.

He can forget about the fact that their education is somehow less meaningful than his lack thereof.  He can allow himself to wax poetic about the fact that their house is somehow less valuable than his house even in the same neighborhood!  He can somehow justify these things as an act of God—an unspoken commandment from his god that he somehow deserves preeminence over all others who live, breathe and walk the earth.  For his swan song, he’s taught others to believe and agree with him or suffer the consequences historically bestowed upon those who dared to disagree with his self-assessment.  They are forever silenced… and sadly so are we!

Today, truth is a well-kept secret, buried under a mountain of expensive clothing, mansions, private schools for the offspring, stretch limos, private jets and as many toys/dainties one can wrap in decorative 501(c)(3) tissue paper or a cushy seat at the round table or, better still, a key to the executive wash room.  All of that for the tiny price of exchanging truth for falsehood and eternity for their souls.

Can anybody hear me?

Juneteenth??

Juneteenth?  What exactly is Juneteenth and why is it recognized by African Americans?  

As far as I can tell, Juneteenth—from June 19, 1863—is the day that African Americans celebrate the ‘end of slavery’ in America.

There’s only one problem…

Slavery didn’t end in 1863 in America!  

In fact, Juneteenth, a word that is derived from a combination of the month of June and the number nineteen, only pertained to the freedom of enslaved people in Texas.  And even then it didn’t occur in Texas until a full two years later on June 19, 1865 not 1863!

So, how did the populace of African Americans become enamored with Juneteenth… considering both that it didn’t apply to ALL African Americans and the fact that it’s more ceremonial than factual?

That’s a really good question to me…especially when you consider that Congress passed the 13th Amendment, which abolished slavery in the United States, on January 31, 1865!  And again, even then, it wasn’t ratified until December 6, 1865!

As such, celebrating Juneteenth seems to not only be a ceremonial date but, sadly, an inaccurate one as well!

If that isn’t bad enough, Juneteenth is often celebrated as some sort of multicultural event… as opposed to something specifically set aside for the very people it not only claims to address but also whose history is unlike any other group of people residing in America.  

What’s even worse is the fact that more than a few schools/school systems in America frown on addressing, discussing and especially teaching children—black, white or other—about important events in history that made a day such as Juneteenth a thing.  

They call it CRT or indoctrination or black/reverse racism.  The one thing they DON’T call it is what it actually is: a factual analysis of American history–the good, the bad and the ugly.

So, why celebrate it?

Why have lectures and exhibitions on African-American culture?  Why host picnics, rodeos, street fairs, cookouts, family reunions, park parties, historical reenactments, blues festivals, etc., that showcase life in America while ignoring actual history, and the reality of that life for African Americans over the course of approximately 400 years?

What’s the point?

What’s the point in celebrating Juneteenth when Jim Crow, Redlining, Redistricting, Gentrification, discrimination in housing, employment, education not to mention the continued struggle for simple Voting Rights without constant oversight/review remain alive and well in America in 2023?  

Wait?  What?

How can this be?  

Well, let’s simplify this. 

Were African Americans freed in America on June 19, 1865 or not? 

The answer is a resounding NO!

If it were so, there would not have been a need for Amendments 14 and 15…which are still pending, not realized.

So, what’s the real point of Juneteenth?  What’s the point in celebrating a day that’s more ceremonial than actual?

To date, it’s nothing more than a feel-good day that conveniently and maliciously avoided any form of reparations! This is evidenced by the fact that Juneteenth only became a Federal Holiday in 2021, some 150 years later!  Truth is, it’s been largely ignored in America until quite recently.

So, what could all this hoopla mean?  Could this mean yet another African American President, Supreme Court Justice, Senator, billionaire, blah, blah, blah?  Or, could another Amendment be in the works that actually fulfills the 40 acres and a mule promise with interest!?  Or, much more likely, could we be in for another meaningless holiday that is more concerned with the feelings of the culprits than those of their victims?  

For me, the late Tina Turner sums up the situation experienced by African Americans best in a song from the 1985 movie Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome:  “We don’t need another hero.  We don’t need to know the way home.  All we want is life beyond Thunderdome!”

Can anybody hear me?

Can Anybody Hear Me? Really?

Can anybody hear me?  I said, can anybody hear me?

This is probably the first time I’ve ever begun a blog with this question!

Usually, I end with this question — the million dollar question…well, at least to me anyway!

Without fail, I ask repeatedly whether anybody can hear me… especially after I’ve written about something from my very soul.  You see, it’s only after I’ve spilled my guts that I wonder if what I’ve written actually resonated with anyone!

Can anyone hear me?

I know this may come as a surprise how often I’ve wondered to myself if anybody has ever heard me (or, maybe not a surprise depending on your point of view)?  

With that, I want to know—I NEED to know—if anyone sees what I see, thinks what I think, feels what I feel at any point; whether while they’re initially reading my work or even pondering it at any later time.  Does anyone ever wonder to themselves about anything that I’ve ever written?  Has it changed anyone?  Has it helped anyone?

Can anybody hear me?

It’s a relatively simple question. However, the answer to this question is another whole animal altogether!

Truthfully, I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve wondered if anybody actually hears me screaming — screaming at the top of my lungs!  Do they know that my lips quiver, open, move, let out a gut-wrenching yell only audible to canines?  

Had anybody ever noticed that I’m at the end of my rope?  

Can anybody hear me drowning in my own tears, laughing all the way?

Can anybody tell that I’m filled with misery and uncertainty…even as I appear well put together and controlled?  

Perhaps, if they can’t hear me then maybe they can’t see me either?

If they could hear or see me, would they see the wear and tear on my carefully crafted facade no matter how well my coiffed hair and manicured nails contradict me?  

Then again, maybe they are simply ignoring me?

Or, maybe they actually don’t know or, more accurately, probably couldn’t care less?  

And, do I really want them to know or care?  Am I prepared to deal with them knowing, caring?  

Do I even want to open up that can of worms?  I mean, aren’t we already overdosing on feelings?

So, is it actually easier not being heard, at least sometimes?  

Or, is it better to let things remain as they have always been and leave well enough alone?  

Or, is it better to believe someone hears you, sees you, feels you than to know for certain that they don’t?

Either way, it won’t really affect me too much because I’m used to not being heard, felt, seen.  Actually, I’m more accustomed to being misunderstood than understood!  

So, maybe just this once, if no one can hear me… then maybe it’s a good thing!  Maybe, I can avoid another awkward moment or, even worse, having to offer another unnecessary yet well-placed apology because yet another person engaged me while more determined to be offended than understanding!

Can anybody hear that?  If not, I’ll just continue in my way, content to continue screaming loudly into the clouds!

Can anybody hear me?  No, seriously?

Can anybody hear me?  

Quiet But Not Still

As much as I hate to do so, I finally have to admit to myself that, the longer I live, the worse I am at judging the character, integrity or motives of others.

For example, those who I believed would do anything and everything underhanded without reservation haven’t done so.  Even when presented with many opportunities, they have continued to perform good deeds…even when their histories said they wouldn’t.  Meanwhile, those individuals who I was certain would never do any underhanded things have done so without conscience, in clear defiance of what I previously believed.    

Who knew? 

Not me, that’s for sure!

Frankly, I had my money on the latter.  All in.  Totally committed. 

And totally clueless and rocked to my core as a result.

So, lately, I’ve been spending a lot of time by myself, attempting to regain confidence in my choices, my decisions and my life.  And it was while in semi-isolation that I made the decision to share this major life uncertainty with my friends. You see, as the listener—i.e. the problem-solver—within my circle, this is highly unprecedented.  In this position, I don’t usually have the luxury of sharing my problems… so I tend to handle them alone.

And if that situation wasn’t dramatic enough on its own, I’m also finding that no matter what direction I seek or what decision I make, it turns out to be the wrong direction or the wrong decision.  Unfortunately, and rather surprisingly, this seems to be the case whether I make the decision alone or sought the counsel of others who I counted on to know something.   

So, my confidence in others is quickly waning.  And, what’s even worse, my confidence in myself is also at an all-time low.  However, losing faith in or not being able to trust others is one thing.  Not being able to trust yourself is another animal altogether.  It’s lonely and exhausting.

Don’t misunderstand though.  It hasn’t all been bad. 

With solitude comes time to think. As the interactions we sometimes have to struggle through fall away, we finally have time to focus on some of the things that we had to put away in order to focus on other people. 

Still, even though I’m cherishing my alone time as I navigate these heavy issues, I know I need to make time for my close friends.  This means that, even in the midst of a personal crisis, I am always mindful not to totally remove myself, or make myself truly unreachable to those who truly know or might need me.  

And, that’s why I’m even more confused than ever.  This is probably the first time that I’m the one with a problem…at least one that I’m willing or able to share openly with them.  This is the first time I’ve reached out to them, spilled my guts and admitted that I really needed help.

But here’s the thing…I’m not really hearing from my friends!  Where are they?  Where are all my friends?  Where are the people who call upon me when they need advice?  Or money?  Or time? 

Hmmm.

So far, they are missing in action.  I’m calling them and getting the answering service or quick text messages filled with thoughts and prayers promising to hit me back later.  No real advice. 

Honestly, I’m not feeling the love.

In fairness to them, maybe they simply don’t know what to do or what to say to me!  I mean, what do you do or say when the problem-solver is in need of problem solving?  What’s the procedure when the advisor is in need of advising?  It’s a road they’ve never traveled — never had to travel.  I made sure of that.  Perhaps in doing so, I’ve done a disservice to them and to myself without ever meaning to.  

Nevertheless, who can I turn to?  Who is there for me, especially in this time of my need?  My confusion?  My insecurities?

Can anybody hear me?

Half Full

I’ve always tried to be more of a glass half full type of person than a half empty type of person.  

No matter the circumstances, I’m usually able to see the bright side. And I can honestly say that anytime I’ve even considered straying from that simple ideology, I have received clear confirmation that I’m headed in the wrong direction.  I can further attest that maintaining this level of positivity has gotten me through many hard times.

So, what would be the point in being negative or suddenly looking at the glass as half empty? I cannot imagine that it would improve the situation or my disposition. 

I mean, it never has.  Not one bit. 

In fact, that switch would probably make me more miserable than the situation itself. It would most likely make me miserable to be around and more than likely miss out on good things and times that occur… no matter how few or far between they may be. Finally, and possibly most importantly, it would probably keep me in a perpetual state of sadness and depression.

And why would I want to live like that?  Why would anyone want to live like that?

I guess I’ve always understood that being sad or depressed not only doesn’t change the situation, the problem or whatever you choose to call it in any meaningful way.  In fact, what it does do is make getting through the situation that much more burdensome.  And, if that isn’t enough, research makes it clear that sadness, depression and extended periods of grief can cause or result in a litany of physical illnesses.

Thus, I try to keep my chin up.  I try to tackle each situation as it occurs in order to avoid becoming too overwhelmed.  I also try my best not to complain too much either.  I mean, what’s the point anyway?  It’s not as if complaining changes one iota of the reality!

So, I try to keep it moving and I advise others to do the same.  With that, I pray, and ask for guidance, assistance and grace so that I can make good decisions or deal with the fallout of bad decisions or those situations that occur outside of my control.

That’s the key to my peace of mind! 

To be clear, I’m not saying people should walk around with a vapid smile on their faces at all, or at least most, times.  Not at all.  What I’m saying is that there is a process to moving forward, handling situations and keeping doldrums at bay.  And the first step in effectively handling any situation is to assess the category it falls into.  In other words, is it the result of a good decision, a bad decision or circumstances outside of your control?  Step two is to create a plan or a possible solution to the issue…even if that plan includes soliciting help.

More than anything else, the expeditious completion of step one should convince you that you can and should move on to a viable solution equally as quickly.  This initial step may take a little practice but, before long, you will understand that by using this strategy, you can and will avoid wasting precious time beating yourself up as well as unfairly blaming others.  Luckily, despite its difficulty, the path to completing it is actually fairly straightforward and, thanks to me, free! 

If you conclude that a seemingly good decision suddenly went awry, ask yourself what can you actually do about it.  If a decision you’ve made proves to be a bad one, ask yourself what can you actually do about it.  Finally, if the situation was totally out of your control in the first place, ask yourself what can you actually do about it.  

Oddly enough, the answer is not complicated.  In fact, the answer is the same in all three situations.  Simply stated, 1) stay calm, 2) stay focused, 3) organize and 4) then do what can as best you can.  The results are life-changing, one way or the other.

Can anybody hear me?