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The more control I try to gain over the things that I do, eat, say, etc., the more I binge and lose total control.  Let’s start with my diet.  For the last ten years, I have lived in a world of fantasy.  Since I never had to diet as a youngster, I continued well into my thirties and forties with the same practices of my teens and twenties.  Needless to say, this did not work out as I thought it would.  I now find myself struggling, battling, overindulging, starving and, squeezing into clothes that used to fit.  When did that happen?

Nobody told me that I would feel this lost and confused in my 50’s.  Nobody told me that weight would come out of nowhere and that losing it would be next to impossible.  Nobody told me that I would sweat profusely and not lose one pound.  Nobody told me about bone loss and hot flashes.  Nobody told me that I would have to work doubly hard in order to feel half as fresh as I used to.  But why didn’t they?

I keep hearing that “The Change” is different for everyone.  But if that’s the case, why are so many women looking and acting just like me?  They are walking around in an almost zombie-like state trying to figure out what is going on with them, their bodies, their vision, their hair, their skin and their minds.  All the while, they are pretending that all is well.  Every day they wake up in a daze, trying to smile and control the things that make them cry and argue for no reason.  Where did that iron control go?  And how do we get it back?

Drink soy milk.  Eat soy products.  Don’t eat this or that.


None of it works.  I’m always hot, hot, hot or bone chilling cold, cold, cold with no in between.  Everything is extreme.   And, what about the hairs on my chin, neck and nipples?  When did I start puberty as a young man?  Do I get to have my own room and use the car for dates soon?  Or are those just more things that are out of my control, seemingly until the end of time.  Can anybody hear me?