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The other day, a co-worker came running towards me shouting that she is about to become a grandmother for the first time.  Needless to say, I was excited for her  . . . that is . . . until she went on to say that she was glad that the baby would be going home with the girl and the girl’s mother since her son and the girl are not married.

That’s when I exploded.

I mean, aren’t we women first, and the mothers of sons second?  When did we lose our empathy for the women that we supposedly were teaching our sons to love and cherish?  When did we forget the treatment that we received at the hands of no account men and condone, if not outright encourage, that same behavior in our sons towards young women?  How did it happen?  When did it happen?  How/when did we become so uninterested, so uncaring, so maliciously unconcerned with regard to the girls that our sons mess over (during their learning/experimental phase) while simultaneously nursing our own bad relationship and abandonment wounds?

I confess… I am sorely disappointed by my sisters.  Not all of them, of course.  My disappointment lies solely on the women who have sons (not daughters) and allow their young “men” to devastate the lives of other females without repercussion.  This is particularly sad given the fact that more than a few of these same women are single parents themselves.  Whether abandoned, despised or just plain ignored, they have found themselves in the same position that various young women have been left in by their trifling sons.  These same women raise sons but somehow don’t get the message across to them that it isn’t okay to engage in casual sex with females, make a baby and then go on their merry way, leaving the mother of the child sidelined.

I know, I know, it is important that we make our daughters understand that it is they who are taking the majority of the risk during intercourse (most often, not even good intercourse but, that’s another blog).  Men can participate during the pregnancy; the rearing of the child; and the financial, spiritual, emotional, psychological and educational development of the child if they “choose” to.  Women, on the other hand, don’t have that same level of choice/flexibility.

This is not to say that women are saintly, innocent and/or don’t make mistakes.  Neither do I mean to imply that women are always good parents or bereft of responsibility when it comes to sex.  On the contrary, I mean to emphasize that women are the ones who end up pregnant, not men, so any decision she makes (be it to give birth, to give the baby up for adoption or to abort) will have a lifetime effect on her that it will not have on the man.

In this generation where females have more birth control options at their disposal than ever, there is really no excuse.  Yet, women continue to play Russian Roulette with their lives.  They continue to take unnecessary risk with their futures by depending on and believing in a male (yes, I said male, not man) who makes a lot of pre-sex promises but will fail to deliver. So, perhaps, the mothers of sons can take a different approach.  Perhaps, our sons can benefit from being forewarned that the reality of their momentary need for pleasure is the merging of two families, FOREVER.  I mean, is just any girl worthy of carrying on your family lineage?  Or maybe mothers can teach their sons that the bitterness they feel over the absence of their own father is the same as the child feels for their absence.  Is your absence somehow more reasonable and right than that of your own father?  Can anybody hear me?

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It seems as though we are constantly inundated with self-help books targeted at women—each authored by men with no credentials other than being male.  Somehow, by that status, they are able to tell women how to trick, trap, hold, keep, etc other men.

After reading more than my fair share of these mind numbing attempts at brainwashing females into twisting, contorting and otherwise rebirthing themselves in order to gain desired male company (see The King of Masks), I have had it!  I have come to the conclusion that I would rather be single!

Does anyone remember the days of old…where men decided they wanted a wife while they were yet completing high school and well before the completion of higher education?  Do we remember how they tailored their dating specifically towards the search for wife and not just to see how many illicit children they could father without any other contribution outside of spermatozoa?

By prom time, he had it already figured out.  You were the girl for him.  All he had to do was graduate and become gainfully employed in order to secure a home for his intended.   He already had a car.  It wasn’t the flashiest model but, it still looked pretty good when he escorted you about town.

That was when men and women looked forward to getting married and there wasn’t so much discussion about so-called gold-diggers other than in reference to individuals who literally dug gold for living.  That was when men were real men, and looked forward to taking care of his wife and children, instead of resenting it.  Men understood what was expected of them and were not upset to demonstrate financial success before taking a wife.  This he did before asking for her hand from her father.

Nowadays, when a woman even attempts to seek financial information from a man, she is labeled as greedy and/or a gold-digger instead of as an individual concerned for herself and the welfare of future children.  I think I like the ideology of so-called third world countries, where people are more honest.  The families decide on a dowry long before any wedding will take place.  Each family knows what is expected of them, and the bride and groom each know their respective roles.

But, I digress.  I guess women’s liberation sealed our fate.  Instead of focusing on equality in salary for same-level employment, women focused on equality in maleness, often taking jobs that were allocated for men if for no other reason than the sheer bodily strength required to perform the task.  Can we at least admit that men’s bodies are built differently from that of female’s bodies?  Can we admit that each sex has a different — not lesser/greater than — role on this earth?   What was wrong with that?

Today, it is nothing to see women sweating it out on construction sites.  Sadly, it is also nothing to see men seated while women stand above them on buses, trains etc.; for men to sit back while their dates pay the tab for the date; for men to move in with women and be completely financially supported by their girlfriends/wives; for men to stay at home while their wives go out to earn a living for the family, etc.  If you’ve trapped that kind of a male, (I just can’t call that a man in all good conscious), don’t try to think like him.  Throw him back!

Is this what women really wanted when they said they wanted equal rights?  Can anybody hear me?

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