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It has been said that excuses are like rear ends: whether big or small, everybody’s got one!  If we think long and hard enough, we can come up with an excuse for almost every course of action we decide to undertake.  In fact, we are at our most creative when cautioned against making a particular choice that we often decide to make anyway.  If that decision goes awry—and we are really clever—we can make ourselves the victim and blame someone else for our discomfort in one fell swoop.

I recently decided that I needed to lose weight.  Call it a New Year’s resolution, an epiphany or the realization that my clothes are no longer cooperating with my latest figure, but the reality is the same.  Whichever way the ball bounces, no one can argue that it is time—actually passed time—to finally get the weight off.  So, I invested in a new piece of exercise equipment, bought massive amounts of fruits and veggies and even purchased one of those smoothie-making blenders.

Admittedly, this is not my first time making this particular declaration.  In fact, I’ve purchased quite a bit of exercise equipment in the past that is now doubling as a clothing rack and/or collecting dust in my basement.  My excuses varied over the years but, during my most recent bout of self sabotage, I cited the lack of proper lighting and ventilation as the reason I had not continued to utilize this equipment.  However, as of January 1, 2014, everything was different.  The ventilation system is no longer a problem and I have added additional lighting.

Anyway, somewhere around mid-January, after having lost just enough weight to celebrate, I decided to reward myself.  Having been a good student, I didn’t think a candy bar would be too much of a problem.  But, before long, I had consumed the entire bag!  If only my son/mother/friend/dog/stuffed animal had not purchased it in the first place!  It was obviously all their fault that I was having such trouble.

I told myself that, in order to have any modicum of success, I needed to rid my home of all goodies standing in the way of the new me.  However, instead of tossing them out—citing excuse number 4: cost/an unwillingness to waste food when people in other countries were starving—I decided to have one last hurrah!   From there, I finished off a tub of ice cream and munched my way through a pound or so of cookies and chips.  Then, just to remain mindful of my weight loss goals, I washed my sins down with at least two litres of diet soda.  At least the soda was diet, right?

Here it is January 25 and, feeling defeated by the pounds that returned with a vengeance and having already tired of working out and dieting, I am yet again at a crossroad.  Either I lose weight or invest in a new wardrobe.  Wonder who I can blame this on…barring that, I wonder if there are any good after Christmas sales?  Can anybody hear me?