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”I was born this way.”  This is the latest excuse/permission for individuals from all walks of life to be rude, crude, lazy, and socially unacceptable. In the past, the excuse of the day was “it just happened.”  Either way, people refused to take responsibility for their actions.  When they did something wrong, instead of making strides to change or correct the wrong, they simply made up a reason/illness/disease to explain away their wrongdoing.  Nowadays, everyone has an even more outlandish excuse for why they should be allowed to be anti-social. They simply blame God.

I was born this way. With that, they absolve themselves of any responsibility to grow, change, resolve, restructure, amend, reshape, make restitution etc., for any anti-social behaviors.  I was born this way.  With that, they dispel the need for discipline, restraint, self-control.  I was born this way gives them the right to be — ill-mannered, ugly, etc.

Note, you never hear a “respectable” person touting that they were born this way.  You only hear folk who don’t want to obey rules using this as their mantra.

However, I was born this way gives everyone the right to be anything and everything.  I was born this way excuses all liars, murderers, rapist, thieves, etc. to give in to utter madness and lawlessness.

So, what does that mean?  Should they not be arrested?  Should they not be prosecuted?  Should they not be jailed?  After all, it isn’t their fault….they were born this way.  Can anybody hear me?

 

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Is there a rule in life that you cannot do for others unless they do for you first?  Is there a rule in blogging that you cannot follow someone else’s blog unless they follow yours first?  If so, I didn’t get the memo!  While I’m at it, why is everything so quid pro quo in our society today?  There was a time when you could borrow sugar from a neighbor without the person you borrowed the sugar from needing to borrow sugar from you the following week.  We just paid it forward to the next person in need.

Nowadays, everyone wants to make sure that they get at least what they give.  If anything, they want more!  Everybody wants the hook-up and absolutely no one can be trusted!  I mean, you can’t even trust seniors. They will stiff you as quickly as any youngster only you won’t see it coming from someone who looks like your grandmother.

So, the search continues for good people who aren’t trying to use or abuse you — if there are any left.  Everyone is so mean from being abused/used.  Sadly, that’s the group that feels entitled to be mean because they were mistreated.  The entitled are closely followed by those who use meanness as a safety net to keep from getting hurt again.

Either way, it makes for a cold place to live.

People don’t look out for each other anymore.  It’s getting so bad that you can’t let the mailman in your home for fear he might come back later and rob you.  People want, want, want and don’t seem to care how they get it, even if they have to take it from you in the process. . . .  Can anybody hear me?

It never ceases to amaze me how quick we are to criticize one another or to proclaim that we “would not take crap off” another human being when we most certainly will and do.  In fact, most of us do every day.  What we should say is that we won’t take crap off of the individual that another person may elect to take crap off of.  Truth be told, each of us takes or has taken crap off of someone at our own discretion at some point.  Sometimes, even when we are actively taking crap off of someone, we are in denial.  We can clearly see that someone else is taking crap off of another and will point this out to them, often unsolicited.  But, we refuse to see when this same truth applies to us. That is, until we have had our fill.

You see, each of us has our own threshold for how much crap we are willing to take, even off of individuals we deem worthy.  Until that limit is reached, crap will continue to be taken.  This is why you cannot get someone to break up with someone else even when you plainly see that the person you are trying to convince is obviously being abused on many levels.  Another way to phrase this is that you cannot be pissed off on another person’s behalf.  Each of us has our own tolerance level and must reach that level on our own.  Each of us decides, consciously or subconsciously, who they will or will not take crap from.  If you pay close attention, you will see which group you fall into very quickly.  If you have to walk on eggshells in your relationship, then you already know that your position is not solid.  You are, to put it simply, expendable.

Intervening sometimes, even in an attempt to help, oftentimes prolongs the agony.  Some people have to crap out or hit rock bottom before they can walk away.  The shocking part in this equation is that the same person who may have thrown you aside for a minor infraction will allow themselves to be utterly destroyed by someone not worthy to tie your shoe laces.  It’s maddening, but it happens.  They have their list of crapworthy people, and you aren’t on it.  All your intervention did was shift some of the blame away from where it belonged and place it on yourself.  The only way to avoid that is to stay out of it and only get involved when they ask you to.  Another—better—way to avoid this is to re-evaluate your own crap list.  If you aren’t on theirs, ask yourself why they are on yours.  Can anybody hear me?

Why is it that people who embarrass you publicly, only wish to apologize privately!!  And, that’s if they decide to apologize at all.  The apology should fit the setting of the offense.  If the offense was private — between just the offender and the offended — then the apology can be private.  However, when someone has attempted to publicly humiliate and degrade someone, then surely they must see the need for an apology that is just as animated and public.

Many people ascribe to just letting time pass and not apologizing at all.  They wait a couple of days, months or even years and then just show up or start calling, texting, or emailing out of the blue.  That alone shows a profound lack of empathy.  The offender clearly knows that they have done something wrong.  But rather than attempt to apologize and/or make amends, they prefer to wait for you to forget what they’ve done.  Worse still, if you don’t reciprocate, or rather don’t reciprocate in the manner in which they think you should, they make you out to be the bad guy, who is bitter and unforgiving.

Next, we have the reciprocal apologizers.  These are the people who will offend you and then apologize for it…but want you to return an apology to them, regardless of whether you’ve done anything to apologize for.  I call this a 50/50, shared blame apology.  Don’t misunderstand.  Sometimes a shared apology is necessary.  Nevertheless, in the majority of situations where it is asked for, a shared apology is simply not called for.  Often, it is the clear offender who wants to utilize this apology…as a way to “make things even” somehow.

Then, there is the forgetful offender. You know, the one that doesn’t quite remember offending you or who seems surprised that you were offended in the first place.  They infer from your taking offense that you are overly-sensitive and/petty.  This offender, to add insult to injury, does not mind telling you so publicly or privately, which leads us right back to the beginning.

The thing that many offenders fail to realize is that none of these apologies accomplish anything because none of them are real.  They are lackluster at best and hollow at worst.  A real, genuine apology is the only one that really works.  I say, be as quick to apologize as you are to offend.  I call this 50/50 shared responsibility.  Can anybody hear me?