I must confess, I’m not a really big fan of psychology. I don’t so much mind the focus of psychology—that is, the mind. I guess it is the application of it that I take issue with. Specifically, I don’t like how it is being used today. It seems as though people are being convinced that they cannot move on with their lives unless they return to the past and deal with every single hurt, every single disappointment, every single person who hurt them, etc., from childhood. So, instead of working through their disappointments and coming to the realization that they, just like the people who hurt them, can also be the source of somebody else’s pain, they are constantly on a deep sea diving expedition for a treasure that doesn’t exist. In their attempt to heal their own hurt, they end up trying to force others to relive the past, trying to re-write the past or, worse, forcing people to be someone they are not and, sometimes, never will be.

This school of thought—this position—is flawed from the outset. True healing cannot be dependent upon someone else. Approaching your mother, your father, the bully at school etc., and telling them how you feel about them and/or what you feel they didn’t do or should have done etc., can sometimes put you in the position of being disrespectful, being disbelieved and could even lead to further hurt. Oftentimes, the individual who caused you so much pain has gone on with their lives, oblivious to the suffering they have caused. More often than not, they could care less about having caused you and/or countless others grief. Even if they do respond positively, now what?

In the long run, YOU were the one who was stifled, angry, and unable to move forward. By spending so much time focusing on a single period of your life, not only did the other person destroy that moment, but you allowed them to destroy the rest of your life as well. You have allowed it to go on into infinity. You have empowered them to destroy your entire life, making you culpable in your own deconstruction.

My suggestion? Take self-inventory, especially after particularly painful experiences. Decide what can be used in a positive way and discard the rest. Also, take self-inventory especially after particularly wonderful experiences as well. Be steadfast in recognizing when you are the culprit and not the victim. Try to fix whatever you break. Remember, none of us are perfect. We all get hurt and occasionally we hurt others – sometimes on purpose. Nevertheless, we all have to move on!   Move forward! After all, life is truly too short! Get yourself off of your mind! Focus on your purpose not your pain.

Can anybody hear me?

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